Heart Attack
by Shannon S
Summary: Mac's uncle dies, but who does she have to turn too? Finished!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Heart Attack   
  
Author: Shannon S. lemae_298@hotmail.com  
  
Category: H/M of course. Angst/Romance  
  
Rating: R for sexual content and maybe one bad word.  
  
Spoilers: Anything before Back In The Saddle. Takes place after Mac leaves Harm's apartment to ask for his help with Imes. He's still upset with Mac.   
  
Summary: Mac's uncle dies, but who does she have to turn too? (No, Webb does not make an appearance.)  
  
Disclaimer: All characters are property of CBS.   
  
Special Thanks: Thanks to Carol for beta reading for me again. I'm starting English classes this week, so hopefully you won't have to spend so much time on my grammar next time.  
  
Mac's Apartment  
  
Saturday 1400  
  
Phone ringing  
  
Mac had just walked in the door from grocery shopping and rushed to answer the phone before the machine picked up.  
  
"Mackenzie."  
  
{"Yes, is this Colonel Sarah Mackenzie?"}  
  
"Yes it is. How can I help you?"  
  
{"Hello, this is Colonel Sheffield; I'm the warden at Leavenworth."}   
  
Mac was surprised and got a very bad feeling in the pit of her stomach; the warden would not personally call her unless something was seriously wrong. She couldn't bring herself to ask all the questions going through her head, so she waited for him to continue, afraid to breath.  
  
{"I'm sorry to have to call you on a Saturday, but I'm afraid I have some bad news concerning your uncle." He paused knowing how much he hated making these phone calls. "At approximately 0800 this morning Mister O'Hara suffered a major coronary attack."}  
  
Mac gasped, but waited for him to continue.  
  
{"Our medical staff was able to stabilize him for a transfer to County Hospital."}  
  
She began to relax when she heard the word 'stabilize'. She also began to breathe again, but her world was quickly shattered with the Colonel's next words.  
  
{"He arrested again in the ambulance and his heart completely stopped. They exhausted all their medical capabilities, but were unable to bring him back….I'm very sorry, Colonel Mackenzie."}  
  
Mac's knees gave out on her and she sank to the floor unable to believe what he just told her. She couldn't speak, she was completely in shock. He couldn't be dead...he just couldn't. She spoke to him the other day; he was coming up for parole next month. She was going to take leave and help him settle in. He was even considering moving to Virginia so he could be closer to her.   
  
Mac was brought out of her thoughts by the voice on the phone.  
  
{"Colonel....Colonel Mackenzie are you there?"}  
  
"Yes.....yes I'm here."  
  
{"I'm sorry this must come as a great shock. As far as arrangements go, we can ship the body to Arizona; his state residence or we can cremate him here and send the remains anywhere in the US."}  
  
She was having trouble following what he was saying. All she heard was cremation, or Arizona. "Umm...Arizona...I guess....yeah."   
  
{"Okay, do you have a funeral home we can contact? We're going to need someone to accept the body."}  
  
"Funeral home?" Mac said in a daze. She had no idea what to say. She never planned for this to happen. Anytime her uncle brought up what to do in case something happened to him, she changed the subject. She never wanted to think about Uncle Matt never being there for her. This was too much.  
  
Colonel Sheffield realized she wasn't ready to fully deal with this so he offered her an out.   
  
{"Colonel, I have your e-mail address. I'll send you a list of all the funeral home in Arizona and where they're located. Look them over and get back to me. I'd hate to rush you, but I'm going to need a reply by the end of the day if possible."}  
  
"Okay....thank you.....you'll have a reply by 1700." She was going on auto-pilot. She would not break down on the phone with a stranger.  
  
{"Again, I'm sorry for your loss."}  
  
Mac pressed 'end call' and dropped the phone to the floor as her vision burred from tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't control it any longer; she completely broke down into sobs. Mac was a mess, her shirt was starting to get wet from the continuous flow of tears, her nose was running as well, and she didn't think the ache in her chest would ever go away. In a matter of minutes she allowed her walls to crumble and all that was left was the scared little girl she tried so hard to hide.   
  
Next Morning  
  
0530  
  
Mac finally gave up on sleep and got up. She put on her jogging suit and left her apartment.   
  
Mac had sat on her floor for an hour sobbing uncontrollably, letting her emotions take control of her for once. When she finally got up she was completely exhausted, but she had things to take care of. She checked her e-mail and picked the funeral home closest to Red Rock Mesa. After that, she called Admiral Chegwidden and arranged for emergency leave. He was very kind and offered his help if there was anything she needed. She then called the airlines and booked the first flight available. She had to be at the airport by 1645 the next day.   
  
Although she was exhausted sleep would not come. Mac tossed and turned all night. If she did manage to fall asleep it was never for very long. Every time she woke everything came rushing back and then the tears would come.   
  
She reached for the phone a couple of times during the night to call Harm. Then she would remember he wasn't talking to her and that would make her cry harder. She didn't even have her best friend anymore and it was her fault. Looking back, Mac had no idea why she acted the way she did in Paraguay, but she did know that the price was too high. She never needed him more than she did right now, but she couldn't bring herself to call him. Mac had never felt so alone.   
  
She had no idea how far she had run, but finally stopped at a cafe at 0655. The thought of food made her stomach turn, but she ordered toast with her coffee anyway. She needed to eat something, even if it was just dry toasted bread. She was killing time, so eating slowly wasn't a problem.   
  
Mac needed to call Bud and turn over her current case with Commander Imes, plus brief him on over viewing all of her past cases. With her gone he would be in charge of briefing the Admiral. She wasn't worried about him, after all Harm would be there to help him.   
  
Harm….how could everything have gone so wrong? She had no idea, but suddenly it didn't seem to matter. Harm was mad at her and the Admiral, Mac was mad at Sturgis, Sturgis was mad at Bud, the Admiral was mad at everyone. Why? It all seemed so petty now.   
  
She paid her check and left the cafe. Mac didn't have it in her to run anymore, so she hailed a cab and went home.   
  
It was almost 0800. She would wait another hour before she called Bud; it was Sunday after all. In the mean time she showered, packed, and trashed everything in her refrigerator that wouldn't last two weeks.   
  
0900  
  
She didn't want to talk to anyone....well, that wasn't exactly true. There was one person she would gladly talk too, but would he talk to her?   
  
'Suck it up Marine.'  
  
She picked up the phone and dialed Bud's number.  
  
{"Hello."} It was Harriet; cheerful as always.  
  
"Harriet, its Mac."  
  
{"Good morning ma'am, what can I do for you?"}   
  
Mac couldn't help but smile at her. 'Up beat as always.'  
  
"Is Bud home? I have to discuss something with him."  
  
{"I'm sorry Colonel; he just left to get some donuts. It's a weekly bribe for Little AJ. If he can go through the week without making me pull out all my hair, he gets donuts Sunday morning," she said with a laugh.}  
  
Mac couldn't bring herself to laugh with her friend and instantly Harriet sensed something was wrong.   
  
{"Is everything alright Mac?"} The switch to her nick name didn't go unnoticed and she knew it would be pointless to lie.  
  
"No, actually it's not. My Uncle Matt died yesterday of a heart attack." Although she couldn't stop the silent tears which started to fall, she refused to let it show through her voice. "I'll be in Arizona for the service. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."  
  
{"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Mac! I know how much he meant to you. Is there anything we can do?"}  
  
"Thanks Harriet, but there's nothing you can do. I just needed to hand over a case to Bud."  
  
{"I'll have him call you when he gets back. It shouldn't take more than 15 minutes."}  
  
"I'll be home most of the day; my flight doesn't leave till tonight." She needed to get off the phone.  
  
{"Okay and Mac, if there's anything you need, even if it's just someone to talk too..."}  
  
"I know, thanks, Harriet." She hung up the phone and laid down on her couch. She refused to break down again as she waited for Bud to call back. When he did she said a silent prayer that he was all business.   
  
It wasn't till the end of the call when he surprised her.  
  
{"Ma'am, have you told Comm...I mean have you told Harm yet?"}   
  
Of all the people to bring up, why did he have to bring Harm into this?  
  
"Uhhh...no, not yet...well that about covers everything, if you have any questions I'll have my cell phone on."   
  
Bud ignored the last part.   
  
{"I know for a fact he's staying home today doing home repairs....you should call him ma'am."}  
  
He sounded so sincere. She couldn't bring herself to get mad at him for overstepping his bounds.   
  
Mac didn't answer right away. He made it sound so easy, like she could pick up the phone and everything would be better. "I'll think about it, thanks Bud." She hung up the phone.  
  
Before she lost her nerve she grabbed her car keys and was out the door. On her way it started to rain slowing down traffic. Only in DC would there be traffic on a Sunday. Mac finally pulled up outside his apartment and shut off her engine. It was still coming down pretty heavy.   
  
'I'd better call first; I don't want to get wet if he's not here.' She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

From Part 1:  
  
Mac didn't answer right away. He made it sound so easy, like she could pick up the phone and everything would be better. "I'll think about it, thanks Bud." She hung up the phone.  
  
Before she lost her nerve she grabbed her car keys and was out the door. On her way it started to rain slowing down traffic. Only in DC would there be traffic on a Sunday. Mac finally pulled up outside his apartment and shut off her engine. It was still coming down pretty heavy.   
  
'I'd better call first; I don't want to get wet if he's not here.' She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.  
  
Part 2:`  
  
Harm's Apartment  
  
Same Time  
  
Harm was in the middle of fixing his sink when the phone started to ring. Before he answered he checked his caller ID; it was common practice now-a-days. It was Mac.   
  
'What does she want? Probably wants to act like nothing happened; like she did the other day when she came by. I agreed to come into JAG to help out, what more does she want?' He didn't feel like dealing with her right now. 'Let the machine get it.'   
  
I'm not in right now, please leave a message.....BEEP.  
  
There was a long silence and for a second Harm thought she wasn't going to say anything.  
  
{"Hey Harm....uhhh...listen if you're there could you pick up."}  
  
'She sounds different, maybe I should pick up. No! Webb probably pulled a spook move on her and now she wants me to comfort her. Well, I won't do it. I can't go through that again, it took too much out of me last time with Brumby.'   
  
Deep down Harm knew he acted like a real ass in Paraguay; a jealous one at that, but when he saw the way Mac treated Webb he panicked. He didn't want her to see how hurt he was, but looking back maybe if he'd been more honest with her about his feelings she wouldn't have said 'never'. His more reassemble side told him he had had two years to tell her he wanted more than her friendship, while his more stubborn side said his actions where enough to tell her how he felt.  
  
He hoped Webb did do something to hurt her, then he immediately felt guilty for the though. She doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore.   
  
{"Well....I'm going out of town for a few weeks. My plane leaves tonight so I won't be at JAG on Monday....sorry to leave you and Bud hanging, but my unc........that is....uh....I'll be in Arizona. You can reach me on my cell phone."}  
  
'I don't believe this! She asked me for my help; saying they where under staffed. I may have gone to court with Imes a few times, but so did she!' He didn't even stop to think why she would be going to Arizona.  
  
{"I'd appreciate it if you call me before I leave...I really need to talk to you....bye."}  
  
Harm really had to fight with himself not to pick up the phone and call her back. Something didn't feel right. He could physically feel the Evil and Good parts of his conscience arguing.  
  
'Get a grip Rabb, every time she's left a message in the past few months she said she needs to talk to you,' the Evil conscience stated.  
  
The Good conscience perked up. 'Yeah, but she didn't sound like herself. Every other time she always sounded annoyed that you were ignoring her, now....she sounded lost.'  
  
'So let her new boyfriend take care of her. She needs to learn she can't have it both ways. It's either you or him and she made her choice!' Harm shook his head in mild agreement with the snide voice.  
  
'I guess if it was anything serious she would have said something in her message,' the Good conscience dully noted.  
  
'There you go; relax she's a big girl she can take care of herself.'  
  
Harm went back to his sink, but he still had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right.  
  
Outside Harms Apartment  
  
Same Time  
  
Mac hung up her phone. Whether or not he was really home didn't matter. She knew he wasn't going to call her back and she didn't need him with her out of some weird twisted since of loyalty. Somehow that would just hurt worse. She started her car and drove away into the rain.  
  
0800 Monday   
  
JAG Headquarters  
  
Harm couldn't help but feel out of place when he walked into the bullpen with his visitors badge attached to his civilian attire. He said his hello's as he walked toward Bud's office. Not finding him there he turned around looking for him.  
  
"He's in the conference room, sir." Harm spun around to find Coates grinning at him.  
  
"Thanks, Jen." He walked past her quickly not wanting to get into a discussion about the past six months.  
  
He walked into the conference room to find Bud hard at work. It looked like he'd been here for quiet some time. Files were scattered all over the table and he didn't even notice Harm when he entered. "Bucking for a promotion, Bud?"   
  
Bud looked up startled at the voice that entered the room.  
  
"Sir, it's good to see you!" He got up and shook Harm's hand. Bud's grin was infectious and Harm couldn't help but return it.   
  
"How long have you been here, Bud?" He asked eyeing the mounds of files on the table.  
  
"Only a couple of hours sir. I wanted to get a head start, especially with the Colonel gone." Bud looked up at Harm afraid he'd said too much. After all he didn't even know if Mac had called and told him. Harm walked around the table and started to pull out his own files.  
  
"Bud for the love of god call me Harm, I'm not in the Navy anymore. And don't remind me about the Colonel. I'm mad enough that she roped me into this and then took off."   
  
"What!?" Harm looked up surprised at Bud's outburst. Bud had a look of confusion on his face. "Didn't she call you on Sunday?"  
  
"Yeah, she called. What's the matter with you?" Now Bud was really confused and couldn't help but look at Harm with disappointment in his eyes.  
  
"I know you and the Colonel had a falling out in Paraguay, but I thought you would be more sympathetic. I wasn't even expecting you to show up today. I thought you'd want to go to the funeral."   
  
Harm looked up at Bud, shock showing on his face.  
  
"Funeral?" Harm had a sense of dread come over him. He didn't know what was going on, but something told him he'd made a huge mistake yesterday. "Did something happen to Mac's mother?"  
  
"No, Sir." Bud realized that Mac hadn't told him. "Colonel O'Hara passed away Saturday morning of a heart attack."   
  
Harm felt nauseous. Everything came flooding back in her message, how lost she sounded, how she reached out to him. Mac had needed him, and he had turned his back on her. Harm was one of the few people who fully understood what her uncle meant to her. He picked her up when she was at her lowest point, helped her dry out, and showed her she alone was in control of her life. Harm thought he might actually be sick.  
  
"I'm sorry Bud, but I have to go." Harm left his files and shot out of the office. Before he was even out of the building he had the airlines on the phone booking his flight. He knew exactly which part of Arizona she'd be at.   
  
Tuesday Morning  
  
Arizona  
  
The funeral was over and everyone had left. The diggers had even filled in the grave, but Mac couldn't bring herself to leave. She just sat there in front of the fresh grave trying to figure out where to go from here. It wasn't that she didn't have anything to do, she did. She had to take care of Uncle Matt's estate, there was the reading of the will, and somehow there seemed to be more paper work than usual. She was scared that if she stood up to leave then it would all be real.   
  
She looked at the folded flag lying next to her. Her uncle had lost all military benefits and rights due to his incarceration. With him being a Medal Of Honor recipient Mac could have made a decent case for burial at Arlington, but that would have taken time and she just wanted to put him to rest. Admiral Chegwiggen had apparently made some phone calls anticipating this and Mac was pleasantly surprised when a detail of Marines had shown up to give him an unofficial, but proper military burial.  
  
Mac had completely shut down since her arrival in Arizona. She refused to cry, it simply hurt too much. Even when the rifles sounded their salute she remained emotionless. It slowly started hitting home the longer she sat there though.   
  
She was never going to see him again. He was dead. She had no one. She didn't even have her best friend. This made it official, everyone she loves does leave her. She was alone now and couldn't help but feel this is how it was always going to be. Could a person go through life feeling this empty? Mac fought them, but the tears came anyway.   
  
This is how Harm found her when he arrived at the cemetery. He had caught the red eye flight and came straight from the airport. It had only taken a few phone calls in the area to locate where the funeral was going to take place. Harm had been going on auto-pilot since learning about Mac's uncle, his only mission to get here as fast as possible.   
  
Mac's back was to him and he just watched her for a few minutes. He wasn't sure how to approach her after everything they've been through. Harm saw her shoulders start to shake and watched her cover her face with her hands. He didn't remember dropping his bag or moving, but before he knew it he was kneeing in front of her.  
  
When he touched her face Mac looked up at him like she wasn't sure he was real. It broke Harm's heart to see so much pain in her tear stained eyes. She broke down into a sob and Harm pulled her into his arms. She wrapped both arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder crying uncontrollably. She was clinging to him like she was afraid he would disappear.  
  
"I've got you," Harm whispered to her letting a few of his own tears fall. He stroked her hair trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry Sarah, I should have been here. I should have been here for you, I'm so sorry."   
  
It felt so good to be in his arms. Who knew a hug could hold so much healing power? Neither was sure how much time pasted, but as the tears slowed Mac pulled back slightly and rested her forehead on his so she could look at him. She brought both her hands to cup his face and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. He opened his eyes and did the same to her.   
  
"You're here now," Mac said in a soft voice. A fresh batch of tears started to fall as she continued, "Please, don't leave me."  
  
It killed Harm that she even had to ask, had they really grown that far apart? This was the last time...this was the last time he would fail her. The first time it was when her husband returned, then Mic leaving....she had trusted him to make it better and he turned her away. It didn't matter if he had reasons at the time. The bottom line was that she had been alone. Renee had a family; a mother to turn to. Mac had no one. Now this....   
  
"I'm never leaving you again." To prove his point he leaned forward and kissed her. He'd meant for it to be a short brush of the lips, but both their emotions where running too high for it to end there. He didn't know how it happened but they both fell into a desperate kiss. Mac had wrapped her arms around his neck again and Harm ran his hands down her body and wrapped them around her waist. They where clinging to each other with a feeling of coming home. Mac opened her mouth and Harm immediately deepened the kiss.   
  
Harm tried to take all her pain away in that kiss. He tried to give her something to hold onto. Mac was only too glad to accept all he offered, but a small part of her couldn't help but question it. They mutually ended the kiss, but couldn't bring themselves to let go of each other. Mac buried her face in his shoulder again and just held on to him. Why he was here would come later, right now she was just glad he was there.   
  
Harm was the first to pull away. "Let's get you out of here." He stood and helped Mac to her feet. He noticed for the first time she was in uniform. He was in such a rush to get here that he forgot why she needed him in the first place. He picked up the folded flag and looked at the grave with Mac.  
  
"He was an honor to his country, Mac."   
  
"He was an honor to me as well." Mac came to attention, and even though Harm wasn't in uniform he did the same; together they saluted his grave. Turning to leave Harm took Mac's hand as they walked to her rental car, stopping to pick up the bag he dropped earlier.   
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

From Part 2:  
  
Harm was the first to pull away. "Let's get you out of here." He stood and helped Mac to her feet. He noticed for the first time she was in uniform. He was in such a rush to get here that he forgot why she needed him in the first place. He picked up the folded flag and looked at the grave with Mac.  
  
"He was an honor to his country, Mac."   
  
"He was an honor to me as well." Mac came to attention, and even though Harm wasn't in uniform he did the same; together they saluted his grave. Turning to leave Harm took Mac's hand as they walked to her rental car, stopping to pick up the bag he dropped earlier.   
  
Part 3:  
  
Hotel  
  
They had made the trip in silence, except for Mac's directions to the hotel she was staying at. Her uncle had a house, but he had rented it out due to his incarceration. That was just another detail in many she had to sort out. Although nothing was official, she knew she was inheriting everything.   
  
Harm took a quick shower while Mac changed out of her uniform and into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Mac had decided to stay at a pretty decent hotel. It was nothing fancy, but it did have a nice bathroom complete with garden tub.   
  
Harm dried off from his shower and dressed, he then began to run her a bath. He figured she could use it after this morning. He found some of her bubble bath stuff on the counter and poured more than enough in. He brushed his teeth and went out into the main room. He found Mac sitting on the bed looking over some paper work.   
  
"Hey, what are you looking at?" He gently asked as he walked over to her and started to massage her shoulders.  
  
Ever since they left the cemetery he couldn't stop himself from touching her. He held her hand while in the car and was even so bold as to put his arm around her on the way to her room. She welcomed the physical support even if she didn't feel like talking right now.   
  
"Just some of Uncle Matt's paper work, insurance, properties ... death certificate..." This last part she said quietly.  
  
Harm sat down behind her and wrapped his arms around her drawing her away from all the papers scattered on the bed. Placing his chin on her shoulder, he held her close. He was glad and slightly surprised when she completely relaxed in his embrace. Even though they've been going through a rough spot in their relationship she still trusted him and just having him there made it all seem bearable.   
  
"I started you a bath, why don't you go soak for a while? I'll take care of all this."   
  
"Harm, you don't have...."  
  
"Mac, I'm here to help you through this. I know there's nothing I can do to take away the pain, but I can take care of this paperwork. All you need to worry about right now is taking care of yourself and mourning your uncle. If I have any questions I know where you'll be."  
  
"In the bathtub, right?"   
  
She surprised even herself with how easily she was giving into him. It was hard giving up control, but it did feel good to have someone take care of her for a change. Something inside told her that Harm would not let her fall, she could trust him.   
  
"Right," he said as he loosened his hold on her and they both stood up. Mac started to move toward the bathroom feeling more comfortable with him than she had since the Singer trial.  
  
"I don't know, I think you're just looking for an excuse to barge in on my bath again," she said with a small smirk.  
  
"Can't blame a guy for trying can you? Last time you had way to many bubbles…" He was glad that she could still joke around with him. It showed she was going to be okay…. that they were going to be okay.  
  
She smiled at his comment, but just before entering the bathroom she stopped suddenly and turned her head to face him. "Harm..."  
  
"Yeah." He turned toward her and looked her in the eye. The smile was gone, but her eyes held something he couldn't identify.  
  
"Thank you....thank you for being here for me."   
  
It was then he realized it was complete gratitude he was seeing in her eyes. Since knowing her, he had saved her from embarrassment, saved her butt in court, and had even saved her life a couple of times. But he didn't think he'd ever saved her from herself. In fact he'd be willing to bet the only person to ever do that was her Uncle Matt.   
  
Suddenly everything that had drove a wedge between them this past year; his trial, Paraguay, working at the CIA….Webb. It didn't seem to matter anymore.  
  
One thing was for sure, Webb was going to get his heart broken. Harm was here to stay and he wasn't about back down again.   
  
"Your welcome, Mac." Harm looked at her with a new understanding of herself and a new understanding of what he wanted.  
  
Mac felt the heat rise up in her at the way he was looking at her. She couldn't describe it, but it definitely gave her a very good feeling. She had the urge to go back to his arms but not for comfort. Mac quickly disappeared inside the bathroom before she did something they weren't ready for.  
  
45 minutes later  
  
Mac was still soaking in the tub. She couldn't stop her thoughts. They seemed to be going in all different directions. Her past, her father, her mother....she tried to find her mother but had no luck. Once in a blue moon she would get a postcard from her, but they just couldn't seem to find a connection with each other. Mac was fine with that. Her mother was everything she hated, everything she herself had been. Maybe that's why she couldn't form a relationship with her, she reminded her of herself when she was too weak to take control of her own life.   
  
Would she have ended up like her mother, drifting from one place to the next if Uncle Matt hadn't intervened? She'd probably be dead instead. Killing herself with alcohol or something worst. Uncle Matt was the first person to put her best interests first. Mac had hated him at first for taking her away. The last thing she wanted to do was admit she had a problem; that she was like her father. But he got through to her in the end. That was all that mattered now.  
  
Thinking about him brought tears to eyes again, but she didn't have the same feelings of despair as before. She could only guess it was because of the man sitting in the next room. She didn't know why, but something was different. He'd never focused all of his attention on her before. She hadn't forgotten that kiss either, but had no idea what it meant. It had taken them both by surprise. Usually one of them would pull away emotionally after such a display, but they where both still there.   
  
She wasn't going to over think this, he was there offering his unconditional support and that was enough. She got out of the tub and started to dry off. She was surprised Harm hadn't come to check on her. She opened the door after putting her shirt and shorts back on and walked into the other room. She looked at the man lying on the only bed.   
  
'Guess that answers that question.'  
  
He was out cold. Mac looked around and found the papers she'd left him with lying on the desk separated into 3 different piles. She started toward the desk, when she stopped herself. 'He said he would take care of everything.' It was hard for her to admit, but she was glad she wouldn't have to worry about the legal aspect of things; she could give up control and know he would pick up the slack. So instead she moved onto the bed beside him.   
  
Harm was lying on his back with the arm closest to her above his head and the other on his chest. Mac moved her body slowly next to his and rested her head on his shoulder. She suspected he had been up half the night going through airports trying to get here. She reached up and brought his arm down around her waist and fully relaxed against him bringing her hand to rest on his chest.   
  
Harm stirred slightly but only tightened his hold on her and pulled her closer. Without thinking she brought her leg over between his. It was very intimate considering her thigh was now resting across his crotch, but she was too comfortable to move. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep as well.  
  
3 hours later  
  
Harm slowly woke only to find that he was having trouble breathing. When he opened his eyes he smiled when he saw Mac was practically lying on top of him. She looked so beautiful and peaceful lying there. His chest tightened at the emotions which rose up in him. He loved her, more than he ever thought possible. Who knew that two people that loved each other this much could cause each other so much pain?   
  
He wondered how much of that pain could have been avoided if one or both would have just stopped to think instead of reacting defensively to everything being said. One thing was for sure, he didn't care about the past; at least not enough to let it impact the future.   
  
Harm moved to tuck a stand of hair behind her ear before bringing his hand back to her waist.  
  
"Maac..." He whispered, not wanting to startle her.  
  
"Ummm," was her only response along with her moving her body against his. He was reminded just how close they where, especially when her thigh rubbed up against his crotch.   
  
"Mac, we slept through lunch. Are you hungry?"  
  
She slowly opened her eyes to look at him and in that instant he saw everything he ever needed in life gazing up at him.   
  
"Actually I think I am." She was still looking at him like she had discovered the meaning of life.   
  
'Maybe for once we're on the same page,' thought Harm when he saw she was making no effort to hide her feelings. 'Well, if she isn't going to hide, neither am I.'  
  
"I have a few ideas, but first you're going to have to move your leg." He wasn't completely aroused, but he was hard enough for her to feel it. Just as expected she blushed when she realized what he was talking about, but she didn't move.  
  
Instead she got a mischief look on her face and said, "Okay." If possible she got even closer to Harm and started moving her lower body provocatively against him, which mostly included her thigh against his erection.  
  
He immediately tensed up and said quickly, "That's not what I meant and you know it." She stopped moving and looked at him with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin on her face.  
  
"My mistake," she said innocently.  
  
Harm began to breathe again, but Mac's leg was still in place over his growing member. He looked down at the contact between them and then at her face.  
  
"Come on Mac, you're killing me." He wasn't quite whining, but it was close enough.  
  
"Okay, I'll make you a deal. I'll move my leg if you move your hand out from underneath my shirt."  
  
Now it was Harm's turn to blush. Sure enough, the hand that had been resting on her waist had somehow found it's way underneath her t-shirt and was know residing on her side just under her breast.  
  
'How did that get there?' "Sorry." Slowly he moved his hand and at the same time Mac set him free of her leg.   
  
"Don't be, I'm not." Harm turned on his side so they were now lying down facing each other. Mac moved her head from his shoulder to the pillow, but was still lying on his outstretched arm. Although he had moved his other hand out from underneath her shirt, it was replaced by his free hand on her waist. Their bodies where close together, but no longer touching.   
  
Harm looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't figure out how to start. Mac just laid there looking at him waiting for him to find the words. Lunch could wait. Finally, he swallowed and looked up at her.  
  
"Mac, why didn't you tell me about your uncle?" There was nothing accusing in his voice. In fact he sounded hurt, but she could tell he was trying to keep it out of his voice.   
  
She reached over with the hand she wasn't lying on and placed it on his chest. "I wanted to. You have no idea how many times I picked up the phone." She had tears in her eyes but she kept her voice soft; afraid of breaking the spell they had fallen under.   
  
"Bud told me to talk to you, that you would be home if I needed you." She paused and he looked down slightly guilty. "I came over Sunday, but it was raining so I called from my car to see if you where home."  
  
"I was, I just didn't pick up." He wasn't proud to admit it.  
  
"I know." She had no anger in her voice, just understanding.  
  
"I would have picked up. I would have been there for you if I had known." He was a little surprised that they where having this conversation without accusing and placing blame. It felt good to know they might actually accomplish something with this conversation.  
  
"I know, that's why I didn't say anything in my message." Before he could comment she placed her finger over his mouth. "To say that we were in a bad place in our relationship is an understatement. We both said some awful things to each other in Paraguay, the admiral practically kicked you in the gut when we got back and to top it all off you thought I was seeing Clayton Webb."  
  
Harm looked up in surprise and hope at that last comment, but remained silent waiting for her to finish.  
  
"I was sitting out in my corvette with the rain coming down and all I could think about was 2 years ago when I came to you the night Renee's father died. I know you hated turning me away, you wanted it to be me in your apartment not her. And although I envied her having you there to support her, I also felt sorry for her. I knew you only went with her out of obligation."   
  
Harm was starting to see where this was going. He squeezed her waist in silent support.  
  
"Maybe she couldn't read you well enough to know you where uncomfortable, and maybe she was mourning too much to notice you took the first opportunity to come back to JAG. But I know you Harm, and I couldn't stand the thought of that being me. Of you being with me out of loyalty of our past rather than the friendship we spent 8 years building. Does that make sense?"   
  
A few of her tears had fallen and he wiped them away.  
  
"It makes perfect sense. But you're not an obligation to me, Mac. No matter what we're going through you can always count on me, just like I know I can always count on you. I'm here because I love you and you shouldn't have to go through this alone."   
  
They were both a little shocked that he had actually said it, but it wasn't a great surprise that the feeling was there.  
  
"I love you too," Mac whispered with a soft smile on her lips.  
  
Harm let out the breath he didn't remember holding. It was embarrassing but he had no idea what to do next. He was a little afraid to think that they might actually get this right. Luckily Mac had the next part covered for both of them.  
  
She scooted closer to him with her hand still on his chest. When there bodies where barely touching she leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss that lasted longer than what would be considered friendly. The next time he leaned in and gave her the same kiss. By the time the third kiss came around they both were a little impatient. Harm took his hand off her waist to cup her face; keeping her from pulling away this time. She was only too happy to stay and to show this she deepened the kiss.   
  
They both moaned as their tongues dueled side by side. Mac's hand went underneath Harm's shirt and for the first time she touched his bare muscular chest and chiseled abs. Harm's hand traveled past her neck and shoulder and cupped her breast.   
  
Riinnggg  
  
This time they both moaned from disappointment.   
  
"I hate phones," Mac said as she pulled away from Harm.  
  
Riinnggg  
  
Harm shared her frustration and caressed her breast one last time.  
  
"God, you're good at that," moaned Mac.  
  
Riinnggg  
  
Harm smiled and rolled over to grab the phone.  
  
"Hello........yes she is, may I ask who's calling….I'm her attorney in this matter.......okay......how about in one hour......we'll see you then."  
  
He hung up the phone and suddenly they were in the real world again.   
  
"That was the lawyer handling the estate. We're meeting him at his office in an hour to go over the will."  
  
Harm got out of bed and pulled Mac up as well.  
  
"I guess that gives us time to eat something," Mac replied. For a few wonderful minutes she was able to forget why they were here. Now everything came rushing back and she had to fight back the tears. How could she be so happy one minute and so sad the next? Harm deserved more than this.  
  
Harm saw her struggle and enveloped her in a hug. He suspected he knew what was wrong.  
  
In a soothing voice, "You're only mission right now is to take care of yourself. Don't worry about me. I love you and I'll wait."  
  
Mac pulled back and wiped the tears away. "I don't deserve you."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Harm said with a grin. Mac playfully hit him and they both started to laugh. "Now go change so we can get something to eat."   
  
TBC 


	4. Final

From Part 3:  
  
In a soothing voice, "You're only mission right now is to take care of yourself. Don't worry about me. I love you and I'll wait."  
  
Mac pulled back and wiped the tears away. "I don't deserve you."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Harm said with a grin. Mac playfully hit him and they both started to laugh. "Now go change so we can get something to eat."   
  
Part 4:  
  
1 week later  
  
1300  
  
Their plane had landed and their luggage claimed. They had both driven and left their cars in long term parking so they where leaving separately.  
  
"So, are you coming over for dinner tonight?" Mac asked as they started toward long term parking.   
  
"Wouldn't dream of missing it," Harm stated as they reached Mac's corvette first and she threw her bag in the trunk. She turned around and went to the driver side door.  
  
"Good, then you can pick up the pizza on your way over." Mac smiled as Harm trapped her against the car with a hand on either side of her.  
  
"You mean you're not going to cook me a big romantic dinner our first night back?" He teased and nuzzled her neck.  
  
"Mmmm...there is nothing in my apartment to cook. But I do have dessert all planned out," she said suggestively as she pulled him away from her neck and instead claimed his lips in a kiss that left them both breathless. "1700....and don't forget your overnight bag." She gave him one final kiss before breaking free and getting in her car.  
  
As she drove off he raised one eye-brow and said to himself, "Overnight bag," with his cocky grin firmly in place. He quickly found his SUV and drove home.  
  
Mac's Apartment  
  
1645  
  
Mac was running around her place making sure everything was in place. If she was completely honest with herself, she had no idea what was out of place. It's not like she had candles or any kind of mood set.   
  
She didn't think she'd ever been this nervous before. Never mind that he was her best friend and the love of her life, she had invited him over for the purpose of having sex. She didn't know if she could sit next to him all night eating pizza and talking knowing where they were going to end up.   
  
This past week had been an emotional roller coaster for both of them. He had shared her room; it seemed stupid for him to get his own when he would be spending most of his time with her anyway. They hadn't moved past kissing though, well kissing and a little touching, but nothing main stream.   
  
Harm had been wonderful through it all. He held her when she cried, listened to her when she felt like talking, and told her he loved her every chance he got. He kept his word and took care of all the paper work and legal issues. When there was a decision to be made he laid out all of her options and all she had to do was choose what she wanted; he executed it for her. She would be hurting for a long time, but the hurt no long controlled her. And although Mac was nervous, she wasn't going to put off her life with this man for one minute longer.   
  
Knock, Knock.  
  
He was early, but he couldn't have arrived at a better time. She opened the door and smiled. They had only been separated for a few hours, but she had still missed him.   
  
"You're early." He had the pizza in one hand and his bag in the other. She noticed that he seemed kind of nervous when he set his overnight bag down inside her door. Mac was even more sure of her plan now.  
  
"The pizza was ready early and I didn't want it to get cold."  
  
"I happen to think the best way to eat pizza is cold, what do you say?" She could tell he was a little confused, but Mac had faith he would catch on soon.  
  
"Well, I guess if you want it cold, but it's going to take close to an hour to cool down. What do you want to do in the mean time?" He noticed Mac had a glint in her eye and he got the distinct impression he was missing something.  
  
She loved him but sometimes Harm was a clueless idiot. "I was thinking we could start with 'dessert'." Mac had a little grin on her face as she practically saw the light bulb go on above his head. The next few moments happened very fast.  
  
"I'll put this in the kitchen."  
  
"I'll be in the bedroom."   
  
Harm rushed to the kitchen, threw the pizza in the refrigerator and practically ran through the living room to her bedroom door. He stopped right outside her door to get a grip on himself. He felt like a teenage boy all over again. After taking a calming breath he went through the door and shut it behind him.  
  
All that could be heard through the apartment was a thud against the door almost as soon as Harm closed it, giggles and laughter, a very un-marine like scream, and moans of pleasure. With the pizza forgotten they spent the night exploring each other's bodies and minds.   
  
Surprisingly enough they spend the same amount of time talking and laughing as they did making love. They were able to discuss things with a new found freedom they had never had before; with themselves or anybody else for that matter. They exchanged fantasies which inevitably lead to more love making, and by mid-night they were both exhausted.   
  
"You know I always suspected you where a little wild underneath that uniform of yours, but I don't think anything could have prepared me for this," Harm said as he held Sarah Mackenzie in his arms.  
  
She giggled while snuggling up to him. "Good, I'd hate to be boring."  
  
"Trust me; no one would ever accuse you of being boring. I don't think I've ever had a woman wear me out the way you just did."  
  
"Well, I was over due. Women reach their sexual peak mid-30's, you know. And to say my well has been dry for quite sometime is an understatement." She was running her fingers up and down his chest.  
  
"Well I see nothing but flash floods in your future Miss Mackenzie," Harm teased as he ran his hand down her back and over her six pulling her even closer.   
  
Harm realized his mistake one second too late.  
  
"Oh, really," Mac said in her best bedroom voice.   
  
She started kissing his chest and moved her way up to his neck. Mac moved her hand down to his thigh to tease him.   
  
Harm could already feel his body responding to her, but he was really tired.   
  
"Mac, come on, I don't know if I have another one in me." Even though he protested he started to stroke her thigh unconsciously.   
  
"Don't tell me the big bad pilot can't keep up with a legal weenie. I'd hate to have to break out my vibrator when I have such a sexy man in my bed." She was now nibbling on his ear.  
  
He froze at her admission. "You own a vibrator?" All reluctance on his part was gone as he was assaulted with images of her pleasuring herself and using 'toys' to do so.   
  
"Alright, you get one more round, but then you have to promise to let me pass out." Harm said in his best negotiators voice.   
  
She kissed him with renewed passion then replied, "Aye Aye, Sir," in a voice so sexy he didn't think he'd ever be able to hear her utter those words again without getting hard.   
  
"You're going to be the death of me, Marine." Harm said as he let himself indulge in her body one more time.  
  
She smiled but no more words were necessary as they explored each others body once again, ending in mutual climaxes. Both totally spent, they fell into a much needed sleep feeling more complete than they ever had.   
  
The End. 


End file.
